Analyze This

I have been to many a shrink in my day.

Mostly when I was drinking or in a relation-

ship with a woman. (For me, the two

were inextricably linked.)

One shrink told me that someone in my

marriage was going to have to change,

and that wasn’t going to be my wife.

Another told me that I was clinically de-

pressed. (Well dah! I had figured that one

out by myself years ago.) That will be $50

dollars, please.

Still another told me I was narcissistic, and

that I never asked anyone for help when I

needed it. I figured in order to save the hassle,

it was a hell of a lot easier just to do it myself.

Oh, I have been analyzed over and again about

this and that, and all for a considerable fee of

course. (There are no free lunches in psycho-

analysis, you see.)

After explaining to one shrink that I drank a

fair amount of vodka everyday, she diagnosed

me as an alcoholic. The fact that I never drank

on the job didn’t affect her assessment. No

matter, label me as you will, I already knew

I had been an avowed proponent of booze.

All those years of therapy and what for?

Well one day, all on my own, I swore off

women and vodka. Went on the wagon

so to speak.

Oh, I forgot to mention the one psychologist

who told me that I had a “gift.” I reckon she

was referring to my artistic talent. Or could

be it was my willingness to pay her and others

for therapy (a gift indeed). Sure wasn’t my

ability to handle relationships with women

or the booze. Had I only realized that sooner,

I may have saved a lot of time and money in

the process.

And this whole life and psychology thing is

all about process, you know. Wisdom is a

cognizance as well, something I’ve been

hoping for my entire life.

                          -30-

Chris Hanch 6-17-2020