What
can I do for you?
How
can I be of assistance?
Is
there anything you need?
How
can I help?
These
are inquiries asked all of us from time to time.
And
out of consideration or politeness, or just plain old
self-reliance
and pride, we tend to respond, Oh, no thank
you.
I’m okay. I’m just fine. I have everything I need right
now.
When
you reach a certain elderly age and state in life,
the
person asking if they can assist you with anything,
and
you decline the offer, they know you’re either try-
trying
to be nice or you’re flat-out lying.
Look
at your bad self in the mirror. Anyone who looks so
miserably
old and feeble as you has got to have need for
something,
a Tums, some Pepto Bismol, a glass of Miralax,
Polydent,
Ibuprofen, something!
You
may be old and decrepit, but there’s nothing worse on
the
face of this Earth than an old fool. And so, my advise
given
freely to you here is from my own personal experience:
Next
time someone asks, What do you need? Tell them
something,
anything which comes to mind—
a
basketball,
a
Mercedes Benz,
a
prosthetic leg,
a
lottery ticket,
a
root canal.
For
Christ’s sake, man, say anything, but never answer,
Nothing.
Should you be inclined to do that, your usefulness
to
them will then fail to exist. And you, my friend, are on
your
own and on borrowed time as it is.
On
second thought, a backup package of Depends might
come
in handy.
-30-
Chris
Hanch 4-10-2020
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