Neanderthal Me

Got to thinking, had I been the offspring

of Neanderthal, I would have fewer worries

and concerns than I have currently in this

modern day.

No insurance, no licenses, taxes and fees to

pay, no appointments for doctors, dentists

therapists and lawyers to keep, no medications

to take or dietary constraints to make, no mes-

sing around with automobile maintenance or

home improvements, no leaky faucets or attic

to clean, no personal hygiene, washing face

hands and brushing teeth, no Polydent or hem-

orrhoidal creams to apply, no Depends to wear,

no trimming beard or combing hair.

Had I been the son of a Neanderthal parents,

I would have no need for a college degree or

curriculum vitae, no Facebook friends to accept

or delete, no Twitter feed to piss me off. Why,

I’d be free as a breeze with few encumbrances

or responsibilities foisted upon me.

Oh sure, I would still have to eat, sleep crap,

scratch and pee, but I could take the day off

if I damn well pleased.

But most of all, I would not have to worry about

being prepared financially to handle retirement,

or the aches and pains, all the medical and socio-

logical problems associated with old age.

Oh Chris, my family and clan of Neanderthal

associates might say, he was trampled by a

mastodon many moons ago. A fine upstanding

fellow he was. He died a young man, satisfied

though, and with a big old smile on his face.

Lucky bastard, he never knew what hit him.

                             -30-

Chris Hanch 7-15-2020