Had I Not Been Me

Had I been a unicycle I may have ridden about all

my lifelong on one wheel.

Had I been a virus I may have infected you then

spread myself like a wildfire around the world.

Had I been a goose from Canada, I would have flown

South in winter to warmer climes.

Had I been a sty I would have reddened the eye

of some asswipe I did not like.

Had I been a flea on Wall Street, I would have

sucked blood from NASDAQ, Dow Jones Industrials

and the S&P.

Had I been raised a Pinot Noir grape I may have been

fermented into a mighty mellow wine.

Had I looked like Pitt and acted like Di Nero, I’d be an

award winner and seen by millions at the movies and on TV.

Had I been a banana or an orange, I would have had appeal.

Had I been a paddock, horses would have grazed my grasses

and pooped on me.

Had I been a slot machine, I would have taken your money

and made a broken gambling fool out of you.

So many things I may have been had I not been me—

a shot in the dark, perhaps, or a Kit-Kat Bar...Bite me!

                                   -30-

Chris Hanch 7-6-2020