Dilemma

This was no way to begin the day. Early morning,

dark before dawn, chilly outside, nearly November,

and a newly-installed latch and handle on the patio

door of my apartment. Take the dogs out to do their

business. Open and close the slider behind us. Click!

Damn, locked out and have no way to get back in.

The new apparatus, unlike the old, is spring-loaded

and decided to lock itself, leaving the pups and me

stranded out in the cold. 6 AM, too early to summon

help from apartment maintenance. Fortunately, I had

my cell phone with me, so I called my son who lives

ten or so miles away. I explain my dilemma to him,

realizing that a time ago I had the foresight to give

him a spare key.

Oh no, he remembered, it’s with the car keys my

daughter has with her at college out of town.

Double damn!! (and a few more swear words to

boot). It’s cold, I’m disabled and old, and the pups

are shivering and barking at what they perceive is

looming in the dark.

It’ll take about an hour for me to get there, my son

told me. That gave me time to consider history, yes

history, even though a proficiency in burglary would

have been a far better skill set given the situation. I

am pretty sure Alexander the Great or Richard III

never experienced a lock-out in their day and age.

Hell, had they a stupid self-locking door with which

to contend, at least they would have legions of

soldiers, courtiers, all matter of minions surrounding

them to breach any obstruction they may have

encountered. Surely they would have come equipped

with, say, a battering ram or a like device which could

have easily cleared the way.

Ah but this is a so-called technologically advanced day

and age, and battering rams are gone the way of history.

Besides, I am neither emperor nor king. In any case,

a key!I cried out into the cold and lonely darkness of

morning. A key, my goddamn kingdom for a key!!

About an hour later, my son arrived with some

Craftsman tools, and we managed to get in. Still,

I figured, being emperor or royalty would have

surely facilitated my entry a hell of a lot sooner.

Chris Hanch 10-24-18