The Memo

 

I remember it clearly, years ago, a line

in a memo. It was at work, a memo at work.

I can’t recal what the memo was about, only

that it was a memo circulated to me and

several coworkers I knew.

The memo began with a line, “For your perusal.”

And I remember thinking I don’t have a perusal.

This memo then, I figured, was not intended for

me, but for perhaps a select few who had such a

thing.

I didn’t known anyone who owned or was asso-

ciated with a perusal. Was it a hairy, cross-eyed

creature with floppy ears, or more like a rodent

of sorts who scurried around a tiny treadmill in

its cage?

Huh, perusal indeed. This memo couldn’t have

been intended for me for in all my travels, in all

the zoos visited and wild life shows on TV, I had

never seen a perusal up close and personal

or visually on the periphery.

Was it a snipe like critter or perhaps a Yeti

which was widely hunted but never found?

Now this was way before computers, the

Internet and Google. So, I had to do a little

hunting myself. I knew one of the secretaries

at work must have an unabridged dictionary.

I looked up perusal to see what Webster had

to say. I flipped through the pages...ABCDEFG

HIJKLMNOP...P...P...P...pe·rus·al /pəˈro͞ozəl/

noun—the action of reading or examining

something.

I was somewhat disappointed. Perusal indeed.

You really do learn something new every day.

It was then I began to wonder, does everyone

else know what I now know? Perusal...Huh!

Still sounds like it would be a good name for

an animal, though. I went back to my desk

empowered with my newfound knowledge

and read the rest of the memo.

                      -30-

Chris Hanch 10-7-2020

Renewable Energy

Ever consider how much energy it takes

just to make it through the day? I contend,

not unless your battery is low and in need

of charging.

Plug me in, let me rejuvenate my “go juice”

for a bit, and like the Energizer Bunny, I’ll

and be raring to go.

Of course should I need to play Mr. Clean

for the day, I suppose I could put it off for

a spell. What the hell, it’s such a fine day

I’d hate to waste.

Surely I can find a better way to expend

the get-up-and-go I have in me. I’ve had

my coffee, ate my Wheaties, and have

my eye and impetus fixed on the prize.

And with a goal in mind, I’ll reward

myself with a nap when I’m done. You

see, I’m a renewal energy machine. No

friggin’ fossil fuel injection or consumption

is required by me.

The only drawback I foresee is that I do 

backfire a blast of methane occasionally.

But for the most part, if I avoid spicy foods,

my performance runs efficiently.

Eat your heart out Tesla.

                                   -30-

Chris Hanch 10-7-2020 

Another VA Phone Call

 

The Nurse Practitioner in charge of my case

at the VA called me yesterday. It’s that time

for my yearly visit, she stated. May I come

over at 9 or 10 tomorrow to examine you,

she asked?

No, I replied, tomorrow won’t work for me.

Can’t we just do the assessment over the

phone or make it for next week sometime?

She came back with an alternative. We could

do this electronically using Zoom. Do you have

a computer? Yes, I told her, but the camera is

not working. And I really have a difficult time

having people over.

Nothing personal against you, but it takes me

at least two hours to get ready, and then I’m

in great pain and shot for the rest of the day.

I really need to see you face-to-face. It’s a

mandatory practice at the VA. You can be in

your pajamas, she went on. I didn’t tell her

that I don’t wear P. J.s and that I sleep in my

underwear. I figured that was not a key concern.

I just don’t like to have people over to my place.

I haven’t been out of my apartment for over a

year now, and only let had my son and daughter

in every other week or so. Really, I just want to

be left alone.

Besides, even if you did find something seriously

wrong with me physically, I wouldn’t have anything

done about it anyway. No need for a face-to-face,

I reiterated emphatically.

I look pretty much the same as I did last year, I added.

Except going on seventy-four and having fallen way

behind on my beauty sleep, I look a hell of a lot older.

As I see it, short of a miracle on God’s Green Earth,

there’s really nothing you and the medical profession

at the VA can do about that.

                          -30-

Chris Hanch 10-6-2020

On Any Given Day

 

If the water doesn’t drip from the faucet

if coffee in the morning never percolates

if the sun fails to shine through the window

should the pain no longer persist and the dog

fails to wag its tail

if the state of missouri is no longer recognized

should capital letters and punctuation cease

to have a place

if leaves on the trees in autumn refuse to fall

and the bee has its buzz taken away

if the page never turns again

and is left blank without a writer to write

or is left devoid of its reader to read

and there is neither a beginning or an end ever again

should the pig fail to enter the slaughter house

and never makes it to market

should the cigarette never smoked lie unlit

in the package and letters in the mail box

remain unopened and in place

should the ringing phone never be answered again

and the music on the radio fall silently

upon deaf ears

if that and this all these and those not be

attended to and time passes unused day after

day

should directions and recipes remain unheeded

and the rent and gas bill go unpaid

should Christmas go uncelebrated

and the morning bed remain rumpled and unmade

should springtime never arrive

and flowers no longer decorate the grave

you may not notice that someone unknown

has passed away

no date of birth or death on the headstone

is engraved

Could be any one of us i’m supposing

resting in peace meaninglessly

 

god is calling long distance

and no one answers on any given day

                       -30-

chris hanch 10-5-2020

By the Book

 

The mental manual you were given at birth has

expanded greatly over time:

Chapter One, Preverbal—React to pleasure and

pain so that someone able can tend to your needs.

Eat, sleep, pamper and clean, know when you are

content or unattended. Coo or cry appropriately.

Chapter Two—Act instinctively. Roll over,

move your hands and feet, do all the bodily

functions which come naturally.

Chapter Three—bond with someone on

whom you can depend. The words are

not yet there, but you are learning about

attention, security and care.

Chapter Four—In the interest of time and

space lets move on past the stages of crawling,

toddling and first words spoken (Mama, Papa),

first words heard and understood (stop, no,

nam-nam).

As you go along, you’re learning about love,

happiness, hate and displeasure.

You are learning words to express your feelings

and needs. Next comes your ABCs, spelling,

definitions and memorization—cat, dog, duck,

apple, pear, banana, tree, flower, bee.

You still have a long way to go, There will be

assignments and tests given. You become aware

of rudimentary meanings of love and hate. You

have a desire and appetite to learn.

Years pass; you have a grasp of life and death,

emotions and control. Your brain is packed

with information you have garnered over time.

You excel, yet still screw up now and again.

You never acquired a taste for beets and broccoli.

You hate the New England Patriots, Speedo swim

wear and snakes. Your last vote for President was

a looser and as you predicted, the winner turned

out to be a huge mistake.

You don’t trust red haired woman. You were

married to one once and that didn’t work out

well. You are now 73 years old going on 74,

and couldn’t care less about learning more.

The Chief’s game on Sunday has been post-

poned due to the opposing team’s quarterback

testing positive for Covid-19. And you are

royally pissed.

Enough is enough. The notion of having to do

all of this over again makes you woozy and ill

enough to puke.

                      -30-

Chris Hanch 10-4-2020

Revival of Memory

 

A bee, a barn, a dancer in my dreams.

What more to pollinate the flowering of

my thoughts today?

Perhaps a resurrection in the brain still

lingering from yesterday, years ago.

What was I thinking?

Earl! That’s it! How could I ever forget.

Nothing makes a lot of sense until it happens.

And even then…

                     -30-

Chris Hanch 10-2-2020

Scientifically Speaking

 

Accurately take measure of me from head to

toe these days, and know the only way I have

managed to survive is growing old.

My friends, I’m losing this lifelong battle

numerically. I have become a fraction of

the person I once used to be.

While gaining in years, I see the reduction

of me physically and cognitively. Virtually, I am

being shrink-wrapped biologically.

In addition to the math and physics there is

the psychology which also has a deleterious

affect on my survivability.

Speaking scientifically, and if accounted for

numerically, the days I have amassed on Earth

have unquestionably affected me exponentially.

And it has become painfully apparent to me that

being bound in place gravitationally, I feel

as if my dilapidated framework is certainly

pulling more than 1G at the ripening age of 73.

Ah, but what’s a poor body to do when science

has got a hold on you?

                       -30-

Chris Hanch 10-1-2020