Cell Phone Disease

There are some days the phone never rings

and on those days I consider myself one lucky

son-of-a-bitch. I have one of those flip phones

I carry around in my pocket, although I have

heard the waves it transmits and receives can

cause cancer when constantly exposed to the

body. At my age and in my current waning phys-

ical state, sooner than later something is bound

to get the best of me. Anyway, last evening

the phone rang about 5 o’clock. At that hour I

figured it was my son who is on his way home

from work about then. I answered because I

always enjoy chatting with him to find out

how his day went. And he listens well when I

tell him about mine. Fine, I tell him, my hip’s

been a pain, but I managed to get some writing

done. Five or ten minutes is all we need for we

touch base about the same time every day. Next

morning while watching some political crap on

MSNBC, the phone rings and on the caller ID

it shows RESTRICTED. I know it’s a call from my

visiting nurse at the VA. It’s time for a routinely

scheduled visit. Sure, Thursday at 11:00. I’ll see

you then. I can deal with the two minutes that

takes, cordialities included. A bit later, ring tone

again. This time an 800 number. With those I

know what to expect, but answer it anyway…

Hello, I begin. Is the head of the household

speaking? Who is this, I reply? I’m Blah, Blah,

So-and-so with the Fraternal Order of Police...

I expected something of the sort, so I cut his spiel

short with, Not interested, as I quickly closed the

phone. Some days are just that way, I tell myself.

And each time I answer that damn thing, I wonder

if old age or cancer will get me first? I can see

myself eventually making the call...911, What is

your emergency? Lady, I’ve got this lump on my

right hip. I believe it likely has to be cancer from

my cell phone. I have a hard time walking too,

but that could just be my arthritis.

                               -30-

Chris Hanch 2-19-2020