Happiness Together

 

Were they still alive, and could I have my mother

and father in a therapy session, I would begin my

questioning with, together neither of you seem to

be happy campers and I wonder why?

Of course, I am nearing the seventy-fifth year of

my life, and I know there could be myriad reasons

of which, through my own personal experience,

could present ample evidence of this—physical

or emotional neglect or abuse; unacceptable

learned behaviors applied by one or both parties;

perhaps inherent psychological defects from either

side which generally were unacceptable or unsavory

to the spousal other. The propensity for stress, anxiety,

depression, could result in a lack of understanding,

withdrawl of affection or compassion.

Now, I am neither a professional psychologist nor

annalist, but having experienced all of these issues

in my own life and having undergone divorce, therapy

and rehab, I have come to the conclusion that any or all

of these human maladies can give good reason for

discontent and unhappiness individually and in a

relationship.

I have tried many remedies for my own insufferable

leanings—alcohol, drugs, prayer and professional

psychological intervention. Most of these as needed

provided me with temporary relief. Ah, but some

issues are never absolved completely. The most one

can rely upon is awareness, persistence and timely

intervention as needed or required.

Sounds pretty complex, eh? But that’s the crux of

the human condition as we have come to know it.

We tend to be, at our worst, one complex and oft

times hell of a screwed up species. You’d think

after all we’ve been through genetically, scientifically

and historically, we’d get a better handle on our own

situation.

Trying to simplify my point, I submit two basic

examples or lessons I have learned, ones which

my parents in their lifetimes never did fully

comprehend:

1. My daughter-in-law made a simple yet profound

observation which hit me like the proverbial ton of

bricks. Having gotten to know my ex-wife, and the

mother of her husband, and having met me latter

on, she made a personal observation: “Given

your personalities, I could never have guessed you

two ever got together.” 2. That and what a marriage

counselor once opined made all the sense in

the world to me: “Mr. Hanch, someone in this

marriage has got to change, and that is not

going to be your wife.”

It took me nearly seventy-five years to answer my

own hypothetical question to my mother and father.

Happiness? Mismatched together, for whatever,

they never had a clue. May they both rest in peace.

                                    -30-

Chris Hanch 3-30-2022