Speak Slowly, Please!

 

Yesterday I had a major problem

with my photo shop computer program.

The screen froze on me, and even a reboot

didn’t alieviate the issue. So, I looked up

the manufacturer’s phone number on

Google and placed my call.

Oh no, I recognized the woman’s thick

accent on the other end. What part of

the world am I speaking to, I asked her?

India, she responded back to me. I asked

her to please speak slowly for I was having

a hard time trying to understand, and no,

I don’t speak Hindi either. It’s a beautiful

language, I am sure, but there must be

dozens of dialects, none of which I am

capable of translating.

I was having a hard enough time with her

sing-song variety of English. Now, I had

two problems, my software and her

linguistics.

There is no way for me to make the

following long story short. If my

more than three hours of confusion

and intense frustration with a host

of customer service and technical

help flummoxed me to near insanity,

I am certain you would hate me

enough to never read another piece

of my work ever again.

Anyhow, without me repeating a

thousand times, Please help me, speak

slowly. I do not U N D E R S T A N D!

I bought a new and improved program

instead, and had them download it

remotely which took another two hours.

I must say thank god the lengthy process

was done in silence. I never thought I could

stand by watching the slow percentages of

the proceedure tick tediously away before

my eyes on the computer screen. Never

had I ever figured I would be so amenably

gleeful to virtually watch paint dry over

listening to a person spew out in disorien-

ting rhythms their version of English

which I could barely understand.

Even had we both spoken the same language,

I’m sure today’s technology alone would have

still gotten the best of me.

                   -30-

Chris Hanch 3-13-2021