The Screen Door Dilemma

The screen door slams.

It has an annoying mind of its own,

And when let go

It does what it was meant to do.

Would you choose voluntarily

To close quietly

If you were spring-loaded?

I say no. As a screen door you were

Built to slam, damn it, and slam

You will. You can’t change the

Way you were made. The coiled tension

Pulling on you is far too great to

Close any other way.

The child or careless adult

Pushes on you and you swing open

Wide, then slam shut with all your might.

You are a screen door for Chrissake.

You were constructed

With one thing in mind

To keep flying pests where they belong,

Outside the house.

Should you desire something quiet,

Go and get yourself a mouse.

They were built for silence

Not to keep the insects at bay.

Yet the slamming screen door scenario

Still Seems so objectionable to me.

It would be like installing

An obnoxiously loud

Donald Trump in your house

And trying to train it to shut its mouth.

On second thought,

Go and get yourself that mouse.

I believe they’re on sale today...

Buy one, get one free.

They are designed by nature

To be far less noisy.

And by the way, while you’re at it,

Don’t forget to pick up a giant can of Raid.

Chris Hanch 2-25-17